I'm here, all is well, and the indoctrination process is in full action mode. It's a pretty hardcore religious environment but I knew I wasn't signing up for a month of MTV Yeshiva Beach House. I'm content if only because I have a good reason not to shave for a month.

There's a biblical analogy I learned today that I was going to use to illustrate how my Conde Nast dismissal led me to the Land of Israel but it would have involved representing Conde management as murderous, slave-driving Egyptians and that wouldn't be fair.

To the Egyptians.

Hey-oh! (Sorry, after 3 days of sitting in classes and listening to raucous rabbis use room-silencing parables, the tendency to tighten the Borscht Belt a few notches is overwhelming.) Anyway, I've decided I won't be blogging much of this trip. I'm presently sitting on a stoop getting free wifi on the edge of the Old City's Jewish Quarter near the Armenians and I don't have time for this. The end of days are nigh and there's a lot of Torah to study until then.

(Damn you Feld, this is all your fault! Seriously, if I'm not home by New Year's, please send a rescue team of hookers and booze.)

Jackson West, fast becoming the hardest working man in show-and-tell biz (the guy contributes to 4 blogs), points me in the direction of some smokin' Israeli working girls and while I'm sure the experience is appreciably better than hanging out in an electronics store, I think it violates the whole meat/cheese separation thing.

Related: Jackson West also tells me that on a trip in college he stayed in the Episcopalian rectory in the Christian quarter, across from Herod's fortress. No further details were provided.

I leave for Israel on Saturday, November 26th and return after December 25th. I'm not sure what I will write here, if anything, but it certainly won't be a Jewish or Israel blog like Jewlicious or Israellycool. Maybe it will just be pictures or a travelogue. I'm going primarily to participate in a program offered by Aish HaTorah where I'll learn the "Essentials" of Judaism, something that was largely ignored in my family, preferring swim team activities by the time I was in the 2nd grade. (Ironically, I quit the swim team at 13 when wearing a Speedo required more the nerve of a man than a boy.) Sure we celebrated Passover, Hanukkah, etc but like many pseudo-practicing Jews, it was purely a cultural experience and not religious. I'm not going to Israel for any spiritual awakening (or because of my Modern Orthodox-raised girlfriend) but I'm genuinely curious in learning the history, traditions, issues, and if this was my Playboy profile question, I enjoy traveling. Also, I have some free time on my hands.

Update (Donate): Why? I ask you, why not?